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Lightbulb Jokes featuring Musicians

How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five: One to change it, and 4 to stand around going "Huh! I could've done that!"

Five: One to do it, and 4 to say that they liked it but would have done it a bit differently.

Five: One to do it, and 4 to discuss how Eric Clapton would have done it.

One, but he'll set the old one on fire.

Two, but they stand so close to each other, you'd swear they were going to kiss.

It can't be done.
They only know how to twist things to the right.

None: guitarists don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in vans, or bar bathrooms, or their buddy's living room, or ..

Who the Hell cares? Bassplayers aren't scared of the dark!

None: We're just too cool for that kind of shit.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One: He holds it and the world revolves around him.

None: They just steal somebody else's light.

One: But he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.

How many studio guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, really.
But he'll need at least 5 takes.

How many guitarists does it take to change a fluorescent tube?

Three: One to change it and the other two to tell him how much better incandescent bulbs are.

None: they will all sit around and bitch about how much "warmer" and "lively" the old tube styles were.

How many bassplayers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five: One to do it and four to beat back all the guitarists who are trying to elbow him out of the spotlight.

None: The keyboardplayer does it with his left hand.

It doesn't matter. Nobody will notice anyway.

Just one, but the guitarist has to show him first.

Actually just one. But he's too slow

One. Five. One. Five. One. Five.

None: He asks the guitarist to do it.

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None: They have machines to do that now.

Approximately 10.000, assuming they think about the problem really hard.

"Why? Oh, wow! It's dark here man!"

Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.

Two: One to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).

Twenty: One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

Just one, as long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.

One, but only after asking "why?".

One...Two, and a-one two three four.

What's grey, crispy and hanging from the ceiling?

A drummer, trying to change a lightbulb.

How many keyboardplayers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Not one: he's got a computer programme doing everything for him.

200: One to do it, and 199 to discuss the problem if it could also have been done with the sequencer.

One to light a candle and say it's just as good as electric light.

Two: One to change the bulb and one to say "Yeah, that sounds just like it."

None: "I've got a candle that looks just like it."

Lightbulbs? C'mon, I got sunlight, fluorescent, candles - anything you want.

Just one, but this bulb won't do. You want to use a 3-way bulb, but if you can afford it, I hear that next month GE will be coming out ...

Only one, but if you wait until next month, Yamaha will have a new model bulb out which is much better.

Two: One to screw in the bulb, and one to patch it into the Korg.

How many lead singers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five: One to do it, and 4 others to complain that it's too high

None: why can't the drummer do it?

How many soundmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

"One, two, three; one, two, three."

"Hey man, I just do sound."

One: Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.

How many faultless musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one.
Good luck searching!

How many darkblues musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two: One to go to Chicago because there might be a lightbulb there and the other to play harp.

Five: One to screw in the lightbulb, and four to play sad, darkblue songs about the old, wornout lightbulb.

How many punk rockers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two: One to change it and the other to eat the old one.

Two: One to change it and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.

How many jazz musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

None: Jazz musicians can't afford light bulbs.
Five: One to do it and the other four want to know where he got that great job.
"Screw the changes. We'll fake it!"

How many contrabassoon players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five: One to hold the bulb and the other four to figure out the fingerings.

How many darkbluegrass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don't. They only use acoustic light bulbs.

Seven: One to change it and the other six to get upset about it being electric.

It doesn't matter because the banjo player is gonna' change it again anyway after everybody else is done.

How many country & western players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three: One to change the bulb and two to sing about how much they miss the old one.

How many oboists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. But by the time he gets done shaving the tip, you won't need it anymore.

One. But he'll have to make the lightbulb himself.

How many altos does it take to change a lightbulb?

None: They can't get up that high.

How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.

How many trombonists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.

How many Dylan fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind. The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many Pet Shop Boys does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two: One to change it and one to sit around looking bored.

How many Frank Zappa's does it take to change a lightbulb?

None: The light bulb is not dead, it just smells funny.

How many members of Marillion does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, but first they had to figure out how Genesis would have done it.

How many Back Street Boys does it take to change a lightbulb?

They can't sing, they can't dance so what makes you think they can change a lightbulb?

How many heavy metal fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three: One to change it and two to say "Excelleeeeeent!"

How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

10.001: 1 to change the lightbulb and another 10.000 to follow it around until it burns out.

How many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb?

None: They prefer everything all black.

How many critics does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They prefer working in the dark anyway.

None. They don't have any idea how to do it, but gladly wait for someone who will, so they can write about all the mistakes he made...

80: One to do it and 79 who want to get on the guest-list.

How many producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but if you don't like it, we can always change it later, when we remix.

Two: One to hand the job over to the soundman and the other to ask him - "But, tell me - what do you think about it?"

How many groupies does it take to change a lightbulb?

Never let a groupie change a lightbulb! She'll blow the fuse.

How many union roadies does it take to change a lightbulb?

35... You got a problem with that?

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